I Have Got a Doctor's Certificate

Of the "Danger of Exposure to a Draft" we often read,
That it generates disorders, which are very bad indeed!
But the danger from "Exposure to a Draft" was ne'er so great;
As I judge from indications, it has grown to be of late.

Of all our "Rebel Citizens," I think I can not tell,
Of more than half a dozen who are "feeling very well;"
And so various are the phases of the illness from one cause,
That I wonder if Dame Nature still is steadfast to her laws.

One is halt, and one is blind, a third is deaf as any post,
A fourth gone in consumption, and can hardly walk at most,
A fifth is dying daily from a weakness of the spine,
And a sixth is fading slowly in general decline.

There is Jenkins, stalwart-looking, standing six feet in his shoes,
And his cheeks, so plump, look ruddy as the sunset's golden hues;
But alas! the fond delusion! 'tis a hectic flush we see;
'Tis a pulmonary Jenkins, who ere long must cease to be.

There is the Mac's with an abdomen protrusive and rotund,
One would think his "constitution as it is" disease had shunned;
But the Dropsy, that deceitful and insidious complaint,
Has begotten his distention, "you may ask him if it ha'nt.