Another Month's End: All Targets Met All Systems Working All Customers Satisfied All Staff Enthusiastic All Pigs Fed And Ready To Fly

I've often wondered, are these pigs dangerous to the environment or have they been paper trained? Dear Sir;- The problem with paper training flying pigs is that they tend to eat the paper and crap on your roof. Art

These questions were published in the Toronto Star on Sunday April 12, 2000, written by Margot Griffin

1. What rolls in the mud and delivers pretty baskets? The Easter Piggy
	2. What do you call a laundromat for pigs? The Hogwash!
3. Why did the three little pigs fall asleep every time Grandpa told stories? Because he was a boar.
4. How did the farmer know the fox was stealing eggs? The pig squealed on him.
	5. Why doesn't anyone want to play on Peg Pig's football team? Because she hogs the ball!
6. What is Pete Pig's favourite position on his baseball team? Shortslop.
7. What did the sow put on her piglet's sore snout? Oinkment.
	8. What do piglets do after school? Hamwork!
9. What did Farmer Joe give Farmer Jill for her birthday? Hogs and kisses!
	10. What kind of party were Mr. and Mrs. Hog invited to? A swine & cheese party.
11. What did the pig say when the mean old farmer grabbed him by the tail? This is the end of me!

Check out the "Flying Pig Productions" website. They are the fastest growing children's theatre company in the United Kingdom! Email them at mail@flyingpigs.org

...and here, just in time to pay for all this loot, is just the ticket: a flying pig credit card! from the Royal Bank of Scotland sent to me by Richard I. Robinson Brigg, England

It must be spring! I just saw my first robin of the season; the maple trees outside are sporting myriad red buds; and the annual Conch-L salute to porcine aeronautics is in full swing.



Those among us who have not yet had vhe opportunity to endure, OOPS - enjoy! - this recurrent theme may well be wondering what possible connection could exist between flying pigs and crawling snails. I myself have pondered this question at length, losing several months of sleep in the process. Last year about this time, I finally decided to do some serious research, in an effort to settle once and for all that overriding question that has vexed and befuddled humankind for so many centuries - are flying pigs relevant to conchology?
I structured my investigation around the hypothesis that any long-standing relationship between gastropods and aeropigs would likely be revealed in taxonomy. I wasn't too optimistic because, frankly, I sided with those who doubted the existence of the snail-snout connection. But I decided to approach the question scientifically, putting aside preconceived expectations and letting the data speak for itself.
For the edification of those who may have missed my original paper in the prestigious Journal of Molluscoporcine Symbiosis, I re-post below a few excerpts from my original data:



I began my exploration with the land mollusks. Pigs, even flying ones, are essentially terrestrial (excluding of course the subspecies marinus), so if any relationship existed, I theorized it might be found here. I had hardly begun my investigation when I happened upon the little Philippine snail Macroceras cresPIGnyi. Interesting, I thought, but hardly conclusive! Perhaps a fluke. Delving further into the nomenclature of terrestrial gastropods, I soon located Xanthomelon pachySTYlum. Hmmmm, I pondered, could this be a veiled reference to porcine habitat? A brief additional search turned up the genus HelmintHOGlypta. I was starting to think I was really onto something! The clincher though, was the land snail HelicoSTYla pitHOGaster. Surely two obvious porcine references in a single Molluscan name could not be mere coincidence!
Excitedly I turned my attention to the marine mollusks. And there they were! Conus litHOGglyphus and Conus ximenes maHOGani. The gastropod genus HAMinoea and the bivalve genus CHAMa were there, not to mention Calliostoma cunningHAMi, Cypraea HAMmondae and Fulgoraria HAMillei. AND Siphonaria BACONi - how could I have overlooked such an obvious pattern? Porcine habitat was repeatedly commemorated in such names as STYliola and Terebra STYlata. Latiaxis nakayaSUI provided another invaluable clue.



But what really settled the matter for me, what drew me over to the porcine side of the fence, what caused me to oink in unbridled excitement, what led me to acknowledge that Art is a prophet, not a character, was the sudden realization that many of these names were confected by non other than SOWerby himself! The data speaks for itself. My case rests.

I found most of this nice chart in a National Geographic, and I added the two specimens at the top. My apologies to the artist...

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