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These three lovely pigs were sent to me by students at the Grange School, Dorset, England. They are by Shane Abbott, Tom __ and Sam Flesh.







Attention class! THIS is what happens to pigs who try to land too fast!





Children all know that the
Reindeer can't fly.
They don't got no wings.
I assume that is why.

That myth is exploded.
The truth now is out;
That Santa is pulled
By a critter with snout.

Yes! Up in the sky!
Here he comes! There he goes!
One identifies team
By the shape of the nose.

Bringing presents to kiddies
(Not purchased at Biggs)
But surely delivered
By eight flying Pigs.

There's Porky and Bacon!
There's Roger and Ham!
On Sausage and Truffle.
On Cyril and Spam.

Oh see how the wings
Sweep the dark from the night.
A wonderful vision:
The pigs in full flight.

I bless you. I wish you
Most happy new year.
May Santa's eight pigs
Bring both comfort and cheer.

Art Weil







There's a fun game called "Pass the Pigs" which you can go play! Poke this pig to get there!







AN ARKANSAS CHRISTMAS





'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the shack,
not a darn thing was a movin',
from the front to the back.

The kids were in bed,
We had nine at the time,
The wife in her curlers,
was lookin' real fine.

A cold wind was blowin',
up the holler it moaned,
All ten dogs on the porch
howled and groaned.

The boys were all dreamin'
of weapons and guns,
for killin' God's creatures,
....there's no better fun!

The girls in their feminine
dreams were attuned,
to getting those gallons
of Wal-Mart perfume.

The wife wanted jewelry,
like rings with big rocks,
I just wanted my Chevy
down off the blocks.



Then out in the yard,
such a noise did commence,
like something was caught
in our new bob-war fence.

I ran to the window,
and saw pretty quick,
the man makin' that racket,
was Good Ol' St. Nick.

You may think of Santa
in your own mind's eye,
dressed in a red and white suit,
But I've got a surprise.



That old boy's an Arkie,
from up near Mt. Gaylor;
He married his cousin,
and they live in a trailer.

On Christmas, of course,
a sleigh for his rig,
He hooks the thing up
to a Razorback pig!

He climbed on the roof,
with his bag full of goodies,
He backed down the fireplace,
ll dirty and sooty.

Fat legs in his britches,
chubby hands in his mittens,
I must admit from the back,
he looked lots like Bill Clinton.

He turned toward the tree,
His eyes all aglow,
He was an Arkansas boy
from his head to his toe.

His neck was a red one,
His shirt said "Lite Beer",
he had no red hat on,
but his cap read "John Deere".

He left all the presents,
with an air of delight,
Then it was back to the chimney,
and into the night.

He ran into the yard,
threw his bag in the sleigh
, Then he yelled at the dogs,
"Get the heck out th' way!"

I ran out to ask him
Why he brought such good cheer;
But instead he just asked me
"You get you a deer?"

Then I heard him exclaim,
as those pigs took to flight,
"Merry Christmas to all.....
I need a Bud Lite!"

Author Unknown





Sat, 9 Jan 1999
YADEMIT@aol.com

Today I looked outside and there they were, a whole flock of 20 flapping their wings in the rain. It's a beautiful site to see so watch for them, they will be coming...They were over New York City, heading for SanFrancisco, with a stopover to check out the San Andreas Fault...






Subjest: Flying Pigs
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999
From: "edd 'n' john"
gentle_ben30@hotmail.com

It has come to our attention that there is a nest of flying pigs on the roof of our abode. We wonder what your policy is on capture of flying pigs and their subsequent training to kill on command?

Yours anxiously,
THE SOCIETY FOR THE PROTECTION OF EGGS.





Dear Ed and John,
Pigs in general are very intelligent, and this is especially true of flying ones, so, getting to their nests without alerting them is a difficult task...Good Luck!
If you do manage to capture some, you will find that they are born already knowing how to kill donuts and pizza and other assorted goodies, it's an instinctual thing.
Our expert suggestion, then, is this: Keep the roof heavily supplied with goodie leftovers and the pigs will quite happily consume those and not bother the eggs of whatever else is roosting there. Indeed they will tend to protect the nests, particularly of large raptors, as they have signed a Proliferation Treaty with them last St. Porcarius Day!





Boy, I'm getting good! I spotted this flying pig pretending to be a bouquet of flowers!

P and T's Graphics





Fri, 5 Mar 1999

Dear All;
This is information for those of you who have become afficionados of the flying pigs. They have been seen to have been swarming in large numbers in their southern Costa Rican Preserve. My associate, Jose Maria Delgado tells me that they do this in increasing numbers before taking off for their northern breeding grounds. More---as it comes available.

Art





Kelly Osborne


Wed, 17 Mar 1999

CINCINNATI, OHIO.--Disaster nearly struck this city of one million inhabitants today as the Flying Pigs returned from their traditional winter home in the south. As flocks of porkers filled the sky, upheld only by the literary suspension of disbelief, a moment of doubt crept into the heart of WKRP news reporter John Schimmelhorn. "I can't believe what I'm seeing!" he is reported to have exclaimed. In a trice, all of the Flying Pigs plummeted several feet, some striking roofs and treetops before the reporter recovered his place in the collective insanity. A few Pigs sprained ankles--and one poor sow fell on her ear and had to be treated in a flying hospital--but no permanent damage was done, and the beloved porkers flew safely to their roosts.
"As God is my witness," declared Mr. Schimmelhorn, "I didn't think pigs could fly."

AKR





Kelly Osborne


Fri, 19 Mar 1999

Now this is the real skinny! The Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon will be run May 9th over a 26.2 mile course that includes areas both in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. It is limited to 7500 participants and will also have both a team relay section and a wheelchair competition.
----and the organizers never heard of me.

Art





Someone there is who does not love a pig;
Who never saw him soaring high above.
Someone who simply doesn't give a fig;
Who'd rather have a flop-eared dog to love.

But pause! Reflect! Does bacon on the hoof
Taste half as good as that upon the wing?
I say to thee: be not so danged aloof.
Try flying pig! It makes the tummy sing.



Kelly Osborne




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